In honor of the
5 year anniversary
of Black Girls Are Easy, I want to touch on 5 things that continue to
keep women from being Spartans. I’ve heard every situation there is,
most of them are the same exact problems, because as unique as women
are, many give into the same weak emotions that keep them struggling.
I’ve seen problems solved and I’ve seen them worsened. The difference
isn’t me, I can be the catalyst for change, but it’s the way a woman
reacts to what I say that helps or hinders herself and determines her
own success. The difference between a woman that wins and one that keeps
losing boils down to effort. People don’t want help, they want a quick
fix, to be told they are doing things right for the most part and just
need to add a new trick. Being a Spartan isn’t about tricks, it’s about
changing your basic ass mindset fundamentally. You can’t walk in, get
water thrown on your head, and be told you’re born again, you need to
actually work at this shit! Negativity and fear. Those are the two
things I try to tackle every time I write. To overthink your every move,
to cling on to the past, to panic the moment a guy doesn’t do what you
want, or do things as quickly as you expected, always proves that there
is still deep insecurity at work.
Think Positive Thoughts,
isn’t the magic pill, it takes an actual mental shift to go from Pussy
to Queen. Being positive puts a smile on your face for a few hours as
you try to affirm things you learned, then negativity roars back the
moment you hit a roadblock in your relationship. Reaching Supreme
Spartanhood doesn’t mean you won’t be tested, it doesn’t mean you won’t
have struggles, but it does give you the power not to let anxiety and
fear set in to the point where you forget everything you learn and act
out like every other basic bitch.
From a woman getting ready to be divorced to a college girl who finds
out her last semester boo is ready to move on with another girl, those
are things you can’t be positive about on the surface. No matter how
much you meditate or get told it will be okay, the primary feeling is
Failure. Women hate to fail at love. To have a relationship stall, a
marriage end in divorce, or even have a FWB situation end verifies a
woman’s worst fear:
She isn’t good enough.
These other women win with a lot less effort, while you jump through
hoops, cater to, and hold down dudes only to find out indirectly that he
wants something better. You give chance after chance to bae, only to
realize later that his words were meaningless and he would never change
the way he promised. You couldn’t keep a man so you are a failure. That
is what is at the root of your anxiety. You want to keep what you
currently have going on so those thoughts about failure remain in the
back of your head. You want to make it work with piece of shit men
because if you can’t even lock down a bum nigga, then what does that say
about you? Those weak bitch emotions lead to weak bitch actions like
stalking, confronting other women, blowing up his phone, pop ups,
continuing sex after it’s over, bribes, etc… You don’t’ need a fucking
man to make you feel like a winner. Everyone wants someone to love, to
share things with, to make them feel special, but it’s not what you
judge a successful life on.
The end of a relationship doesn’t mean you failed, it means it ended, dumb ass. What
did you learn from that time, how did you grow, and what mistakes need
to be corrected? The only way to truly fail at love is to stop trying,
to sit out the season, and bitterly make excuses as to why you don’t
want a man. Stop sounding like a fucking brat. You do want a man, you do
want to fall in love, but you’re afraid to fail again and reinforce the
idea that no one wants you for real. Your past results are the way they
are because internally you don’t really love yourself. You can’t put
positivity into a negative person. You can’t remove paranoia from the
mind of a girl who feels like any guy who wants her only wants her for
sex, if she herself only thinks she’s good for sex. You say you love
yourself, and take your little duck lip pictures, but I see through all
the lies. You’re irritated, annoyed, and have something to say about
everyone else’s love life because you resent yourself. If you can’t even
spend an hour alone with yourself and not feel bored, lonely, or
frustrated then why would anyone want to be with you? Your only job in
life is to love yourself, and the reason you feel like a failure isn’t
because of a “him” it’s because you can’t let go of your insecurities
long enough to truly love yourself.
Looks
I’m always asked to do more posts about the physical appearance of
women. I’ve written about the ass obsession, the lightskin versus
darkskin prejudice that a lot of men have, and I covered weight in Solving Single Chapter 17.
I understand that it’s important, and that no amount of positive
thinking will ever get through when a woman has to constantly hear shit
like, “You’re cute—in the face. You’re pretty—for a darkskin girl. Your body is banging—(no comment on that face tho).”
Does it matter how you look? Of fucking course it does, I’m not going
to sit and lie to you like some Sunday school teacher. However, most
women look at it through the wrong end of the binoculars. It matters how
you look—TO YOURSELF. That extroverted big girl who wants to drop 30lbs
can still love her looks overall, go out, flirt, and date successfully.
I’ve seen so many examples of this, so when I have a bigger woman who
hits me up trying to throw all her problems on her weight and how she’s
been dealt a bad hand, I call bullshit. That woman is embracing the role
of being a victim of circumstance and judging herself more than society
is. Covering up in layers, refusing to go out to social events, not
speaking to handsome men because he couldn’t possibly be interested.
Those are things you do to yourself because you don’t think you’re
attractive. Go to DR, get that stomach transferred to your ass,
and buy a year’s supply of Herbalife, but in the end you didn’t fix
anything. You ever see an insecure woman that suddenly drops
weight? I have, and they tend to be the easiest women in the world to
manipulate. Not because it’s their first time getting attention, big
girls get chased by Players and Pussy Hunters just like every other
vagina holder, they struggle because they remain the same mentally.
Looking pretty and feeling pretty are not one in the same, and if you
don’t feel deserving of having a man that treats you right because you
don’t see yourself as anything impressive then you will attract men that
give you zero respect. That worry about being pretty enough doesn’t go
away, because even with a boob job or an ass shot, your attractiveness
is still dependent on outside forces constantly giving you a stamp of
approval. So no, I will never do a post about what kind of skirt to
wear, what type of blouse attracts a male’s eye, weaves vs. natural, or
any nonsense that serves only to Band-Aid your weak bitch confidence. I
would rather focus on the real makeover that comes from realizing that
your looks will never please EVERY man in the world, and not give a
fuck.
Your forehead’s on Rihanna. Your tits are stuck in 7th
grade. Your gap teeth is big enough to drive a car through. You have the
type of nose only a coke dealer could love. You’re one hamburger from
not being able to ride the rollercoasters. snap snap snap! Motherfuckers
will always have jokes about your features. These savages can freeze
frame a picture of anyone and pick it apart because they don’t have shit
better to do than deflect their own insecurity by pointing out the
flaws of others. What are you going to do? Sit in the house,
cover your forehead, get a nose job, never smile, wear push up bras,
order a booty pop? The moment you quit is the moment you truly
become unattractive. Zoe Saldana had a quote about how she can pull any
nigga in a room not because she’s “classically beautiful” but because
she’s a bad ass fucking Spartan Queen! Zoe knows that men like to shop
for sex, but they submit to attitude. Life is not about how these men
rate you on their scale of Won’t Fuck-Will Fuck-Girlfriend Pretty.
Personality upgrades looks, because men are full of shit in their
initial shallow desires. However, in order to bring out your personality
you have to be in love with yourself. If you go out on a date thinking
that your flat ass makes you a monster or your crooked bottom tooth is
going to get you laughed out of Cheesecake Factory, then how the fuck
are you going to be confident in your ability to unload your
personality? Embrace your beauty when you’re alone in that bathroom
staring in the mirror, then learn to embrace it when you’re in a room
full of models, and at that moment when you don’t feel threatened or
inadequate you will know what it means to feel beautiful. Fuck these
niggas liking your pictures, gassing you, or complimenting you, real or
fake, their cosigns don’t matter. A Queen knows she’s a fucking Queen
even before someone puts that crown on her head.
Comparison
One of the more popular memes is “
Nike doesn’t worry about what Reebok is doing.”
It’s cute, don’t get me wrong, but it’s bullshit. Nearly every human
being is guilty of comparing themselves to others. It’s the reason many
people have Facebook, so they can measure themselves against people from
high school or past jobs. It’s the reason the first question humans ask
is, “
So how is such and such doing?” Every week I get at least five emails asking about some celebrity in terms of, “
She doesn’t have this or that, I do, so how can I get like her.”
A lot of you walk around fronting like you’re Nike, but in reality most
people are a bunch of Reebok’s. This isn’t just about women, men love
to get into pissing contest. This is why you see so many new rappers
going broke trying to keep up with the wealthy veterans. It’s why you
see niggas who work at the same job making the same exact money, rushing
to buy rare sneakers or taking out huge loans on luxury whips. Even
when you’re equal financially, you compare yourself to the next dude,
and you can’t have him doing better than you, so you find something to
put distance between you and the next nigga.
Loyalty
I remember this story from the second year of BGAE where this woman
refused to leave this abusive and cheating man. Her problem was, “
How do I coexist with him until he’s healthy enough to work again?”
This guy had hurt himself, and while she knew she had to leave him, she
couldn’t do it while he was in a bad way and needed her to nurse him. I
read that shit like four times because it was one of the stupidest
things I’ve ever heard at the time. Fast forward, I always get similar
stories of women who want to stand by men who aren’t loyal or even a
good guy in sense of treatment. Some women actually let niggas build up
equity, where with each month that they are together he gets another two
months of unconditional love credit. So in the end two years of being
with a man, means you stay another four in order to give him an
opportunity to change. HA! When have you ever seen a nigga change? He’ll
change for his next bitch who actually puts her foot down, but a man
will never change for that weak bitch that has a history of letting him
slide.
Men don’t love unconditionally, they love based on the condition that you keep doing what you’ve been doing. The argument of “
how could he leave and start over so soon,”
is based on this fact. Men don’t give a fuck how good that first six
months was, if the next three are horrible—fuck you, on to the next.
Women need to embrace that same ideology, because being loyal to the
idea of what you once were will never spark a change in behavior.
The same thing goes for female friends aka “
My Bff that tells ever girl my business and tells every dude I talk to that he should be careful.”
For the fellas reading this, tell me that getting two friends alone and
hearing how they bury each other isn’t more fun than playing GTA with
all the weapons unlocked? I won’t say girls ain’t shit, but a lot of
them ain’t shit in terms of loyalty to one another. The ones who are
honest and decent get used, but it’s their own fault for loving snakes.
When I said Spartans roll in groups where there is only one other Alpha
female, I meant it. And over the years I have seen this proven over and
over again. It’s that one ratchet dumb chick that gets to tag along
because she’s extroverted and makes a fool of herself in public aka The
Jester. That shy girl who doesn’t mind driving the group aka The Hand
Maiden. The fake boss chick who ends up buying everyone drinks because
she likes to stunt, even though she has the lowest paying job out of the
group aka The Treasurer. As you move up the friend rank you finally get
to the Alphas who let the peasants do their job while she and her
fellow Queen Bee soak it up, but they don’t trust any of those hoes.
The
moment new dick pops up, girls tend to act funny, you can’t change
that, but you can be aware that you may get thrown under the bus.
There is nothing wrong with being nice and looking out for your friend
or your boyfriend, but never be loyal to a fault. It’s the ones you give
a helping hand to that will be quick to pull you down. Loyalty isn’t
earned and given for life; that shit has to be constantly renewed week
by week and month by month. Never let your maternal nature have you
locked in a one way relationship or your need to have a girl to call
“sister” have you bending over backwards for someone who would sell you
out the moment you turn your back.
Silence
Do you want him to be your boyfriend, then why can’t you say that? If
you don’t trust the things he’s said on these past two dates, call him
up and ask follow up questions. If you need money to get your nails
done, why are you calling your cousin instead of the man that had his
dick in you last weekend? If you don’t like how he’s talking to you,
don’t hang up the phone and pout, open your mouth and check him. Ever
talk to an Alpha female that isn’t afraid of boys? Like really doesn’t
give a fuck in real life, not one of these fake witty checks on social
media that only pretends to be fuck-less? These girls never get played
because they don’t let niggas slide with lies. They don’t let niggas
smooth talk themselves into coming over to fuck. And when it comes to
money, she’s not afraid to say, “Get me this.”
It’s not about being shy, that’s a cop out, it’s about fear. Girls
don’t communicate well because it exposes them on an intimate level that
few can handle. What if he says “no” to being your man? That means you
just spent a month lusting over someone who sees you as not worthy. What
if you ask him hard questions and it annoys him? That means he’s going
to stop calling you and call the next girl. What if you ask for weave
money, he’s going to think you’re a Ho, and it’s over. Women talk
themselves out of expressing themselves, which means that men can put
their feet up and get by on text messages, lies about owning a business,
and curbside Outback dates. If you can open your mouth to talk about
Kanye and Beck, Kim K and baby oil, and your theory on Mike Brown, then
you can open your mouth to talk about shit that affects your life
directly. You have a man sitting across to you that you can’t
communicate with, that’s a problem. You’re fucking a guy who you’re
nervous to ask for things, that’s a problem. You’re on dates with cash
money stuffed in your bra, because you don’t know this man enough to
know that he won’t make you pay for your meal.
If you talked
about your internal thoughts like you talk about Empire plotlines, you
wouldn’t send and receive so many mixed signals when dating. If you learned to open your mouth and question guys, you wouldn’t have to google shit like, “
What does it mean when men only call after 10pm…” There is one thing in life that gets you what you want—Your Mouth! Use it, regardless of the response you may get.
Denial
You’ve been talking to that boy for four months, but he doesn’t want
you. How do I know? Because if he did he would have laid claim instead
of giving excuses. You’ve been in a relationship with a guy for three
years and you’re still arguing about other women and lack of attention.
You’re not going to fix that. How do I know? Because even with the
arguments you’re comfortable with him, and so long as he knows you’re
not going anywhere for real, he’s not going to change. You went back to
have sex with an ex, saying you just needed a nut, you’re fronting. How
do I know? Because of all the men you could fuck that look better and
have more, you choose to recycle someone who you still have things to
prove to. Honesty is everything. You have to be honest about how someone
is treating you even if it stings your ego and makes you feel basic.
You have to be honest about why you keep unnecessary people in your
romantic life, because the excuse of “we’re still friends” or “we have a
child together,” has nothing to do with you taking your panties off for
him. When these chicks say they are confused about their man’s actions,
it’s because they refuse to open both eyes and look. When I wrote about Stop Being The Bottom Bitch, it resonated because there are more bottom bitches these days than actual girlfriends.
Why would a woman continue to let a man come and go as he feels, never
fully commit, and waste the prime years of her life? Bottom Bitches
don’t know they are bottom bitches, I mean they have a hunch, but they
don’t own up to it. What happens is that her “man” gives her a
Valentine’s Day gift, and in her mind, she’s not a Bottom Bitch anymore
because he spent $50. Ha! In her mind, he always comes back to her and
gives this speech about how his last girlfriend wasn’t as good, so she’s
not just layover pussy anymore, she’s his wife in the making because
he’s admitting his feelings as deep. Ha! For every red flag he throws at
you that proves what you already know, your ego and pride find an
excuse to prove that it wasn’t really a red flag due to some corny ass
talk, favor, or gift. Denial!
Men feed lovesick women crumbs, and these Basicas make a meal of it.
In reality, what is love? Love isn’t running back from one girl to you,
because he can’t decide. Love isn’t taking months to decide if he wants
monogamy with you. Love isn’t a man pouring out his heart about how
important you are only after he got caught doing something wrong. Love
isn’t that two week span when you don’t argue and you feel like
everything is right, love lasts! The problem is that too many women
don’t understand what love is, just what a man tells her it is. “
Girl you know I love you, why you think I’m over here instead of over there!” Women in bad relationships have to be convinced they are loved, because they don’t actually feel it.
A
man can give you all these examples about what he does for you, how he
puts you first, but the reason he has to give you proof is because he
knows you don’t feel it. He loves you because you do things for
him; like a Monkey loves that trainer who comes with candy. But he’s
not IN LOVE. It’s not working out for real, he wants someone else or is
set on the idea of someone else, and it shows in his actions.
Ladies, you know when a man is dialing it in emotionally, stop
pretending as if he’s this great actor that has you fooled. He knows you
don’t feel love because he knows he isn’t showing real love! If you
felt loved, you wouldn’t have to beg for his attention. If you felt
loved, you wouldn’t be tripping about when your wedding ring is coming.
If you felt loved, you wouldn’t be up at night worrying about if you are
indeed just a Placeholder.
He says he loves you, but when’s the last time you’ve FELT as if he loved you? If your mind just raced back to different examples of when he did something nice, then you’re in denial.
A
woman who is truly loved doesn’t need to think about the things a man’s
done in the past, she knows from the way she feels currently.
You’re in love with the idea of what he represents—success at love as
opposed to failure! The truth hurts because you have to own up to the
fact that the love you want isn’t the love you are getting. Why doesn’t
he want you as much as you want him? Doesn’t matter. Why do you continue
to wait around for him to give you his love when it’s clear he won’t?
The fear of failing at love is what drives weak bitches to keep
embarrassing themselves with their actions and embracing lies. There is
no way you can fail at love once you realize your first love, YOURSELF,
will always be there to pick you up and encourage you to keep going no
matter the heartbreak. In the end, there is one emotion that will always
cancel out all the negative ones,
Love of Self. If your life is a mess, it isn’t because you’re lacking in love from a man, it’s because you’re lacking in love for yourself.
Blackgirlsareeasy.com
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