I have another great article on relationships to educate you all on dating. G. L. Lambert is a great author and expert motivational speaker on relationships and self help.
Here is what he shared on his blog blackgirlsareeasy.com a site that has helped me personally. Read, learn and enjoy.
It’s okay to grow apart, but it’s not okay if you won’t admit that it’s happened. There are so many fake, half-ass, holding on for what relationships that it’s hard to tell who’s in love and who’s in denial. While there are men who get open off certain women, relationship indecision is mostly a female problem. Real niggas are never confused about what they want. A man who wants a woman will always say, “That’s me. No nigga better even think about even adding her on Facebook, this is mine!” That’s the passion and hunger that’s reserved for the women we are impressed with and need on our team, and it’s called making a female our girlfriend. Men will also like another type of girl, but not on that level where they want to lay real claim, so they pull her in then push her away with fake indecision. Men call these girls, fuck these girls, and chill with these girls, but it’s all done on such a basic and minimal level that anybody looking from the outside in would see the hustle. However, there are women so in love with the idea of finding love that they take these scraps of a fake relationship and make a meal out of it. This man doesn’t really claim you, he doesn’t really spend time with you, he doesn’t really give a fuck if somebody else were to fuck you… but he does enough to make you think he does. All the fellas reading this know that with most girls you no longer have to commit fully, you just do enough to keep her hoping, and once she has hope, you can pillage that bitch like a Mongolian village.
Every February I find it funny that so many women are quick to make side hoe jokes, when in reality they’re not even sure of their own relationship status. Most of you aren’t side hoes to men who have main chicks; you’re side hoes to a man that can’t even get a main chick. You’re fucking a dude that’s in love with pussy he hasn’t even met yet. The idea of meeting a girl tomorrow that’s better than you is more powerful than the idea of being with you and that’s why he’s not fully committing! You’re a seat filler for someone who doesn’t even want that seat, how pathetic is that? You’re so unique, your pussy is so bomb, yet you’re competing with imaginary main chicks, and you still can’t win. Girls see side hoe jokes as hysterical when they’re single, because being lonely is better than sharing dick with the world. When you’re in a relationship that’s rocky, those jokes only get a slight chuckle because you know damn well you didn’t get anything for Christmas and now you’re waiting to see if you’re getting something for V-Day. The irony of this “ghetto side hoe” culture is that it doesn’t really reflect mainstream side hoes. Real side hoes don’t give a fuck about flowers the day after Valentine’s Day, they’re getting trips to the Bahamas that week just to compensate. This nigga Tiger Woods was tricking 250k watches on bitches because it was Tuesday and her pussy tasted different from his wife’s. That’s the level of side hoe you can’t make internet jokes about, because even as a side, they’ve managed to do better than you when it comes to selecting winners. The reason so many people react to the more ratchet traits of side hoes is because it’s more relatable. The average woman has experienced not getting a call back at night, a guy pretending he wasn’t in a certain neighborhood, fake trips out of state, girls calling their phone, secret inbox messages. Culturally it’s most funny in the black community because black women have gone through or know someone going through struggle relationships where it’s clear that they are being lied to constantly. So the not so hilarious question is why the fuck do we have so many women able to relate to bad relationships that it can spawn an endless amount of “bitches be like” and “niggas be like” anecdotes that ring true?
It starts with prevention, things to look out for so you won’t become just another victim of lies. Women like specific examples of things to watch out for, things that scream that he’s cheating, that she’s a side hoe, or that he’s just not really interested in her on that real love level. They want black and white behavior that gives them a black and white answer, but we live in a world that’s all shades of grey. Knowing your relationship status doesn’t boil down to a series of basic tests that he passes or fails, it requires independent thought void of your fantasy thinking that dictates that if a man says he loves you, it means he loves you. To be told you’re different usually means you’re the same. If someone is telling you how much they miss you, yet they don’t take an hour out of the twenty-four we have in a day and spend it with you, it’s hollow. It’s the 21st century and you’re still accepting words as proof of feelings? Know how many times I told my wife she wasn’t like other girls? None, because I didn’t need to gas her, I put my fucking last name where hers used to be to prove it. Regardless of how complicated you want to pretend that your relationship is, it boils down to one thing: If a man wants a woman, he snatches that woman up. You know how someone who wants you treats you, regardless of the up’s and downs his desire to be with you and to make it work is constant and out in the open. Um, maybe, I don’t know, let’s take time and figure it out—those are things we say to pussy, not wifey.
In Chapter 24 of the book, I broke down “Is he Dick or Hubby” so all of you know this by now, yet your ego and your need to be loved keep your blinders up. You’re like a 6th grader whose friend tells him wrestling is fake. You rush home, put on your favorite match, and say, “well that part was fake, but that part was real,” because you aren’t ready to admit that you were suckered. 9 out of 10 relationships are faker than a John Cena haymaker, but you ladies refuse to see it. If you love living in a fantasy, then embrace your fucked up relationship. What you won’t do is keep lying to the world like you don’t know the real story. I always hear “what is his problem,” “why does he acts as if he doesn’t care,” “what are we really,” or “where’s this going.” His problem is that he likes fucking you, not really talking to you. He acts as if he doesn’t care because he doesn’t, he just wants you to shut up, and be there when he calls for you. His problem is that he’s frustrated that he can’t get the girl he really wants to be with because that fly bitch isn’t thinking about him. What you are is a team-up, not a relationship. He has a dick, you have a vagina, therefore he needs to lie and lead you on so he can get that in the most efficient and cheapest fashion. Where is your relationship going is always the funniest question because it’s obviously going the same place it’s gone– nowhere. Sex, arguing, making you act like a cunt when you don’t get your way, make-up sex, coming back after a few weeks sex, that shit is more fun than Nintendo DS for new niggas. The fucked up thing is that dudes are so good at pushing your buttons that instead of saying, “Wow, this guy really has no respect for me and doesn’t actually want to be with me,” you Ms. Basica Chastain, have learned to love the abuse. These bums aren’t disrespecting you, they’re performing foreplay with your brain, and it turns you on and has you begging for more, all the while pretending, “I can’t take this anymore, things have to change,” Ha!
Let’s recap, you know he’s not shit but you love the way he makes a fool out of you. You say you’re confused about what to do, but you know exactly what to do. Your relationship is more scripted than a Basketball Wives LA friendship, but you pretend you don’t see him reading off the same script as every other bum ass dude in America. Love is so hard. Men are so manipulative. You can’t trust anybody. Wah Wah Wah! If you could fuel cars on crocodile tears, you’d put Exxon out of business tomorrow. Love isn’t hard if you use your fucking brain, and stop thinking someone’s going to be honest with you because you’re you. Men want to have sex with pretty women, okay looking women, even ugly women. Men want to play games and get a rise out of those same women. Men even want to stick around and keep having their way with those women because the Spartans out here aren’t going to submit to them like you lovesick weak bitches will. Men shouldn’t lie to get what they want—no, you shouldn’t lie to yourself and pretend that he’s not lying in the first place! Who are you and what makes you so special that men should always keep it 100? What have you really done besides tell some story about how you grew up and what school you went to that makes you such a remarkable Goddess that a man would want to suppress his inner savage and give you a real chance? If a guy sees that you fall for Come Over & Chill hustles, I really like you, ma ass-kissing, and Let me just taste it, beautiful begging, then you’re not special, you’re just like every other bitch he’s fucked. Don’t use your common sense, because the sense that you’ve been born with is more retarded than Nemo’s right fin. Use this common sense:
If He Doesn’t Take You Anywhere, Your Relationship Is A Lie…
Where have you been lately, bitch? I’m not talking grabbing a bite to eat up at the local strip mall, what places that you don’t want to go to does he drag you to? What places that he doesn’t want to go to do you drag him to. Relationships are about venturing out, not staying in. If the last time you’ve stepping outside of each other’s comfort zone was the first month when your pussy was still considered new, then you’re losing the battle of pussy expiration because he’s not feeling engaged with you. When you love a person, it doesn’t matter if you got half a tank of gas and ten dollars in your pocket, you go out and explore the world together. Y’all be sitting up on the bed making small talk between fuck sessions. That’s not bonding, that’s waiting for a dick to get back hard. Grow the fuck up, and get a real boyfriend.
If He Doesn’t Buy You Shit, Your Relationship Is A Lie…
Damn, a bitch couldn’t even get a gift card to the AMCizzle for Christmas. You couldn’t even get a fucking sheet cake from Kroger with your name in blue frosting, on your B-day. Oh, this nigga was too busy to randomly buy you a Starbucks mug as a surprise because you always talk about drinking coffee in the morning. Men who are in love aren’t insensitive, we’re like Al Bundy, we talk shit, but at the end of the episode, we do something nice for the woman we’ve been complaining about. You can’t force a guy to treat you to shit, but that doesn’t mean you keep forcing it with a guy that treats you like shit. It’s not the price of a gift, it the effort, and there is no reason to wake up on V-Day, X-Mas, or your birthday to only a text message from someone you give so much to.
If He Doesn’t Let You Be Yourself, Your Relationship Is A Lie…
Married couples bicker a lot, not because they’re annoyed with one another, but because they aren’t afraid to challenge each other. Fake couples or people in new relationships, them motherfuckers just be smiling, laughing, and it’s all roses. Bae be tripping, Bae so crazy, Bae and me best friends. No, your ass is sprung and don’t want to rock the boat so you let Bae say whatever while you cheerlead. When I was back on the east coast, I sat with my boy and his new chick. He was high and talking all of this stupid conspiracy shit that niggas love to wax intelligent about. I just sat and egged him on; his girl was just nodding and laughing. Then he started talking about this anti-capitalist socialism shit, which he didn’t really understand. She just nodded and laughed. Finally, I told him I didn’t agree with his views and the reasons why. His chick stopped laughing, turned serious, and started adding on to what I said. Turns out this girl went to college and had a degree in a related area. She was actually very smart and we started talking. When we finally left, this nigga says, “Why don’t you get him to drop you off, since y’all got so much to talk about.” It was a joke that wasn’t a joke. Then I realized that a lot of women, dumb themselves down, put on the “let’s just trip and be best friends” hat and can’t really be themselves around the men they like. If you’re afraid to challenge your man’s viewpoints or he doesn’t feel a need to even talk to you about real issues, then how are you really getting to know one another? He means so much that you bite your tongue, and nod your head, because you’re afraid “Massa” doesn’t like smart slaves. And you wonder why dudes only think you’re pussy. I don’t care how much fun you have, if you’re constantly putting on fronts that’s not being in a relationship, that’s being a groupie.
If You Keep Having “The Talk,” Your Relationship Is A Lie…
How many talks can you have? How many times can you threaten to break up or break up and get back together? The Talk has become talks. You’ve been together for a year, yet you’ve had more serious talks than The Simpsons have seasons. The problem is that females love to threaten but they hate to follow through. The moment a woman gives a man enough rope to hang himself, she rushes to untie him like, “breath baby, don’t leave me!” You want him to change his ways, you point out things you feel he should work on, and things that you will work on. If he doesn’t want to do these things, you will have to end it for good. A man will agree, fuck your brains out after that talk, buy you a balloon, and make breakfast that week. Two weeks later that nigga is back to normal. Why didn’t your talk stick? Because you don’t have any power, weakling! He knows that you aren’t strong enough to break up for real, that you don’t know how to date new men, and he’s going to remind you of all your shortcomings to prove that no other man wants you but him. …and this is the man you’re fighting to keep?
If He Doesn’t Put Any Effort Forth, Your Relationship Is A Lie…
Women are hard workers. I’m not just talking about those who put themselves through school, juggle careers with kids, etc… the hardest workers are the ones that want a man so bad that she burdens herself with making it work, while this nigga kicks his feet up like, “I don’t care, it’s whatever.” There are bitches in the hood who never even had a job, but they will wake up early and go to sleep late, trying to get Tavon and her relationship back where it needs. There are women who are self-made business owners, who are fucking up at work because they’re stressed over how to get Trevor and her relationship back where it was. Love is supposed to be a two way street, but these niggas go Chris Christie and close down their lane, and then wait for you to do all the driving.
You ask about his life and what’s going on in his head… this nigga asks you to hold the car. You ask what you can do to bring the romance back…. this nigga tells you he’s going to be out late with his homies, don’t wait up. You ask if he wants to go on a trip for his birthday… this nigga has already booked his flight to Miami, one ticket. Not once does this man ask about your life, what’s going on in your head, if you’re happy, where you want to go, did you cum, or even thank you for being so concerned with his state of mind. The funniest shit I ever heard was this girl who found out her “boyfriend” was seeing another girl and the way she found out is because they went go-kart racing. She said something like, “I didn’t even know he was into that kind of stuff, he never wants to do things.” He never wants to do things– with you. This is the kind of shit I’m talking about, a refusal to see the writing on the wall, because you want love so bad. If a man isn’t putting in real effort, that doesn’t mean he’s overly spoiled or has a one track mind, it means he doesn’t give a fuck about you, and this is a relationship of convenience. It may not be just about sex anymore or about getting things from you, but it’s grown into bad mothering. You allow him to run all over you, make a threat, he stops, then ten minutes later he’s back doing what the fuck he wants to do. You’re trying to raise a grown ass man and you’re failing! Women work so hard to get a man on the same page as them that they forget that love is a team effort. It’s not all about what you aren’t doing or techniques you aren’t trying, it’s usually a case of trying to write a happy ending with a man who’s trying to jump to a new book. You can’t spoil a man into being happy with you! You shouldn’t have to fuss and fight with a grown man, your job isn’t to drop bread comes and keep smacking your knee for him to follow you like a dog. You meet a man half way, then wait for him to do the same, if he doesn’t do this, walk away. How is this complicated? In a healthy relationship, a man meets a woman half way, not some of the way, not a few steps, all that remaining way. Stop dragging a man that’s standing still, and get the hint that he doesn’t want to go.
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