Another hot relationship topic and advice from my hero G.L. Lambert from his site www.blackgirlsareeasy.com. Read, learn, enjoy and share.
The book of Asshole teaches that a woman will put up with whatever you throw at her if she has no one else to fall back on. Handsome guys, average guys, even ugly ones, are quick to remind a girl that there are other fish in the sea and that nothing about her can’t be replaced. Using this Ike Turner like mindfuck trick, dudes convince women that they can’t do better, won’t do better, and should be thankful she found him. While “Go be with them other bitches” has become a girl power battle cry, it’s a hollow threat. Once a woman is infatuated with a man, she doesn’t really want him to go be with other bitches, her actions of submitting to his demands or trying to make it work contradict her, “you must not know about me” bravado. A master manipulator figures out from the introduction that you’re either the type of woman who has guys knocking at her door, or the type who cracks the door and hopes someone walks by. Guess which one he’s going to try harder to pull? There are women who know their value, but there remains a large percentage who are controlled by this paranoia that there are only a few quality men in this world that will ever cross her path and be interested. As soon as this type of female meets a man that has four out of her ten must-have’s, she shuts down shop and prays to the heavens that this guy sticks around. That’s the kind of thirst that can’t be clowned because most females are guilty of it.
The biggest mistake you can ever make is to take yourself off the market for the potential of a man that you don’t even know. I read this study that said women feel empowered by speed dating because of the free choice. You’re not a slave, and you don’t need to pay for something you can do yourself each weekend. Fellas go fishing with the mindset to catch as many as possible, they don’t get over excited at the first bite, or stop after reeling ONE in. We men serial date and juggle women until we find one worth focusing on. Far too many exceptional ladies live by this idea that the right one is simply the next one who taps her on the shoulder. Women refuse to serial date and have been brainwashed to think of it as a dirty thing. Some girls will even turn down a phone number just because she has a first date coming up and wants to wait for the outcome of that. That stupid shit is like turning down 10 G’s on the spot because you have a lottery scratch off waiting at home, that you have a good feeling about. Women know how to multitask better than men; I see them on the 405 freeway applying makeup while driving with their knees. Y’all can tweet this, Facebook that, and text your friend, “gurl dis heaux Mimi acting real xtra this season ” all at the same time from the same damn phone! However, when it comes to dating, women flat out refuse to give their attention to more than one man at a time. I’m not sure if it’s being emotionally lazy, the stigma of being a hoe, or just a flat out refusal to evolve into a 21st century being. You don’t have to serve every dude in town, but no free agent ever got the best deal by choosing to only negotiate with the first team that calls with interest.
Focusing on The “Maybe” Boo
Someone once told me, “I’m not the kind of girl that talks to a lot of dudes.” I assume that made her the type of girl that waits by her phone for that ONE boy to hit her up, panics when he doesn’t, and spends all her free time wondering what that ONE boy is doing. Once that ONE boy becomes corny and turns her off, hits it and quits it, or simply vanishes with no excuse, she’s now becomes the kind of girl that will complain about the time wasted and lament, “It’s so hard finding a man.” No shit! It’s very hard finding a man when you focus all of your attention on one person who hasn’t even earned that focus! If you want a job, you interview with different companies unless you’re just desperate, then you take any job that can pay the bills. When you want a boyfriend, you talk to different guys unless you’re just desperate, then you settle for any man that pays you attention. Read that again, and this time think about your own dating habits, are you trying to get the best or just what’s available? I’m all for you talking to one guy after he proves that he’s trying to build something with you. Going on two dates and getting morning texts doesn’t prove shit except the nigga knows how to type and keep an appointment. If dick was an episode of House Hunters, it’d be over before the first commercial break because y’all jump at the first decent thing presented as if it’s the last you’ll ever see. Just because you like him, and let’s be clear all you are doing in that first month is being in-like, doesn’t mean it’s a sign from god. I swear on baby Yeezus that some of y’all want this “him” fantasy so bad that you skip the part where you actually get to know this man intimately. The saying goes, “don’t put all your eggs in one basket”, but thirsty chicks put all their eggs in one basket without even checking to see if the basket has a hole in the bottom. I don’t care if he’s the guy from class you’ve been crushing on all semester or just some hookup who’s a little cute but extremely nice, he does not get to take you out of the display window off the strength that he was the first nigga this year to treat you to dinner and a movie. He could be the one, or he could be just another one. You can’t worry about the future, all you can do is live in the now, and the now mandates that he’s nobody special. While he’s trying to prove that he’s somebody special, you have to continue to go out and do you.
“Once I start talking to a new friend, guys must know because they be on me.” They don’t know shit, what they see is that attracting a man has boasted your confidence, so instead of walking around like you just smelled ass, you’re walking around switching your ass like you’re the queen of Sheba. You feel wanted, which makes you smile more than normal and act sweeter than usual. That’s what attracts a man to you, that newfound swag. You may think that if talking to this new boy makes your mood better, why would you take numbers from new guys or go out looking for a replacement. You’re not replacing him silly, he hasn’t even won the role yet, he’s still auditioning. It’s not your new friend that’s making your mood electric, it’s what he represents esteem wise. Some women only feel as sexy as the last man that asked for her number. Everyone here follows someone on Facebook whose attitude swings with their relationship status. If they’re lonely and sad, they post negative things where the tone reeks of bitterness. If that same girl enters a relationship or starts dealing with a new person, suddenly they’re quoting poets and talking about being blessed. Her ass was blessed with that new dick and it turned that frown upside down. Unattractive guys get at women all the time, but to get pursued by a man you find attractive powers you up, and no matter how you try to play it off, that joy shows. Don’t give all this new energy to this man alone; channel it in order to attract new men that you’re normally too introverted or doubtful to pull. While you’re on a roll, amass a few potential boos, that way if the first guy craps out, you won’t lose that smile and go back to mean mugging in public with that “who shit themselves” face. Until you’re official, you better keep taking numbers.
Talking Won’t Get You Pregnant
Talking is not the same as fucking or sucking. When I say, talk to or date multiple men, it’s not a code for taking dick, it means to be courted until you decide on an exclusive boyfriend. It’s time to erase this mindset that only hoes and sluts entertain more than one guy at a time. You’re single and mingling, not giving out blow jobs to the first 10 dudes who take you bowling. This vilifying of women who talk to more than one guy isn’t the result of it being morally wrong, it comes from jealous people who influence these women to believe it’s un-lady like, trashy, and trifling to talk to Dave at the same time as Kevin. Men who are afraid they can’t compete with other men, only want girls to date one at a time because it ensures that even if he’s broke, lives at home, and has a fucked up hairline, that he’s still better than her other option—NOTHING. As men, the moment we take you to eat somewhere that doesn’t have combo numbers, you belong to us. We’re not going to claim you officially and fuck up our freedom… but it’s expected that since I’m showing you love, you’re exclusively mine. Although we still have other chicks we are trying to fuck at the same time, we demand that women to cut everyone else off or we quickly label her as a freak or a golddigger. This double standard concept sounds stupid to a progressive woman, but I wager 8 out of 10 girls agree to that kind of arrangement after just one date… or for those who can’t get him to take you out, after one week of texting. Years of dating under this “only sluts do that” law has made even the smartest women closed minded, “I deleted all the other numbers and unfriended my exes on Facebook… Um, no he’s not my boyfriend, but I wanted to show him I was loyal.” In two months your boo will move on to the other girl he was auditioning at the same time as you, and your lovesick ass will send that depressed Hail Mary text, “just letting you know I’m deleting your number…” He’ll respond, “who dis?” and that’s how the your loyalty will be rewarded. Be loyal to your damn self.
The other person who makes you feel guilty about seeing multiple men are hating ass females who can’t lock down one man let alone get to the level where a few are blowing up her phone. Think about this, a jealous woman no matter how hard she tries to fight her jealous feelings, resents any woman who gets attention from men effortlessly. Going out with Mark on Friday then hitting up a party with James on Saturday means nothing. The most any of these men get from you is a tight hug at the end of the night, but to a hater it’s a reflection of your loose vagina. Women cling to this “no fucks given” motto, but in reality, they rearrange their lives to avoid judgment. The combination of an insecure man wanting to be your only choice and a jealous woman wanting you to leave some eligible men for her to date, has created this stigma of “dating two guys is hoe shit”, it has nothing to do with real morals. There is nothing wrong with having three guys in your life and waiting for one of those three to do something great to make you put other men on pause. Think with your own brain, not the bias of others who have ulterior motives.
No Old Friends
Finding someone new causes another chain reaction that has nothing to do with the opposite sex, but speaks even more to a woman’s inability to multitask emotionally. Your girlfriends, sisters, cousins, they all get their time with you cut down the moment you obsess over Mr. New Dick. I’ve seen girls totally fall off the face of the earth once they meet ONE boy. You can tell you ain’t had dick in a while if you go from best friends forever to Oh I haven’t even talked to Kandice in a minute, how she doing, within a month. You’re not going to be sitting on the phone for hours or over their crib like you were when you were lonely and bored, but to shut out your so-called friends in order to focus on someone you barely know, stinks of phony. How much brain power does it take to have multiple friendships? Building a new relationship while maintaining old ones isn’t an Olympic sport. You’re hypnotized by the thought of having a boyfriend, and that’s all you can think about– control your thirst and remember you still have a life to live! Men love having all that attention showered on them, but we all know that NBA finals, new Xbox game, or “Let’s hit the strip club tonight, son” trumps some girl we’re just getting to know. If a dude does choose hoes over bros, he better be able to back it up with, “I had to cancel cus I knew tonight was going to be the night she gave it up.” Men fit you into their schedule, you revolve your schedule around a man—it’s not that serious. After New Boo disappoints you, you’re left with the awkward position of trying to hang out with your old friends again, but it’ll never be the same because now that they know you’re the type of bitch that jumps ship for dick.
Buyers Regret
You settled for some guy who you half knew and by the time he showed his true colors, “You were like fuck it, may as well work it out since we got this far”. The man knows he’s not worthy of you, so he uses the Ike Turner Mindfuck to keep you obedient. Because you allowed your lust for love to isolate you from your homegirls, you have no one to ask for advice, no true friends to vent to, only this man who has you convinced that being with him is better than being single. If only you could have known then what you know now… boo fucking hoo. You always have options ladies! I don’t care what city you live in and what the man to woman ratio is, you always have a choice. Instead of embracing what it means to be single and free, you rush into the fire happy that someone chose you. You don’t need to be chosen, you need to be choosing. I’m not saying that after you get a boyfriend keep a gang of wolves on deck in case he screws up. I’m proposing that before you agree to be with a man exclusively, you interview him along with at least one other candidate at the same time. I don’t want to hear about how it took you six months to get one to look your way, so you gotta do what you gotta do, that’s a basic bitch excuse. If you can get one man to turn his head, you can get twenty to do the same thing. Dating is about discovery and unmasking. When men are forced to compete for your attention, it exposes bums and separates the winners from the losers. Lending Tree your heart, and stop letting these peasants qualify with low fico scores. In a month from now, you’ll find out that James your new boo has anger issues and a secret baby mama. Damn, you knew his story was too good to be true. If you would have held James up against Reggie, and dated both for a month before deciding, you wouldn’t have been so quick to blind yourself to Jame’s red flags. By having a good man to compare an average man to, you can make better decisions in your love life. James would have never made the cut and you would have been saved from yet another bad relationship. Stop allowing these losers to reserve their place with you by default, and make any man who wants to be in your life earn his spot! Women don’t put up with subpar men because they’re stupid, they put up with subpar men because they lack the faith that they can do better than what’s being presented. You are a woman, the most sought after treasure on this planet, do not let these coons lower your value by exaggerating their credentials while comparing you to a fish in a fucking sea. Each one of you are uniquely rare, and only a man that’s willing to rise above the rest and treat you with the highest value deserves to be rewarded with the gift of your undivided attention. Now go make some friends.
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